I used to think that spiritual healing meant getting rid of things I didn’t want. I now understand that it’s so much more.
In the past, I often wanted wanted to “pray away” the things I didn’t like, to deny symptoms and affirm health, to find some technique to make all of the negatives I was experiencing just vanish.
I wanted symptoms to be alleviated metaphysically, to experience spiritual healing, but I didn’t always want to take the time to explore what was really behind them.
- I spent the better part of December – 27 days(!)– in the hospital navigating a health challenge that I’ve been exploring on and off for the past several years. I’ve written in the past about another hospitalization a few of years ago, and this most recent experience took things to a whole new level, both in terms of the dis-ease, the hospitalization, and the resulting shift in my understanding of and insights into the meaning of spiritual healing (aka metaphysical healing).
- In this admittedly lengthy post, I share a number of insights on spiritual healing that shifted from intellectual understanding to deeper knowing through this experience.
- To provide the reader with a full sense of the picture I was navigating as I explored the meaning of spiritual healing at a deeper level, I share lots of detail about the experience.
- It is my hope that the details provided in this post prove helpful to anyone navigating a health or other challenge explore new insights and understanding in their own experience that open the door to new possibilities for living.
- This isn’t some Panglossian attempt to brush “the negative” under the rug by putting a happy face sticker on a so-called undesirable experience. It’s my endeavor to place the metaphysical teachings I’ve been exploring for over 25 years in some practical context.
Here’s what the picture looked like when I was admitted to the hospital:
- I was in the midst of a severe ulcerative colitis (UC) flare.
- My C-Reactive Protein (CRP) level, a marker of inflammation throughout the body, was almost twice the highest level I’d ever been tested for in the past, and those highs had already been such that GI docs had previously told me I was at risk of losing my colon should I have a recurrence that they were unable to get it under control with the treatment options at their disposal.
- My calprotectin level, a marker of intestinal inflammation, was literally off the charts
- I was experiencing severe nausea and dehydration
Over the course of my first three weeks in the hospital, doctors tried an assortment of pharmaceutical options to bring down the inflammation and get the flare under control, as well as to manage the severe nausea I continued to experience.
Showdown With the Hospital GI Team
The inflammation came down from the very high level at admission, and still remained quite high two weeks into my hospitalization. Then came my showdown of sorts with the hospital GI team. They wanted to discuss surgery. I didn’t. One day, one of the GI fellows whom I had been working with came in to press the topic.
Surgery? Umm…No, Thank You!
In the course of telling me how awesome things would be after this life altering surgery they were recommending, the GI fellow proceeded to tell me about “all of the hoops” they’d been jumping through for me (yes, he said those words!). It sounded as if he was conflating the two things, and that I should green light the surgery simply because they were doing their jobs. It takes a lot to make me angry, and that did it. I asked him to leave my room.
There was no apparent consideration or discussion of how the surgery would negatively impact my quality of life. At the time, it seemed that he just wanted to sugar coat it to get me to say yes. I was also concerned that if I said I would consider it, that other potential courses of action instead of surgery would no longer be on the table (even though no other alternatives had been presented to me since I started a new pharmaceutical about a week prior).
In my doped up state, I think I might have even said that I’d rather die than have the surgery. So, yeah, I was pretty resistant (and, apparently, quite dramatic)!
“We Don’t Believe In That”
I had long believed that a chronic infection of some sort was at the root of the symptoms I was experiencing, something that Western medicine-oriented MDs don’t acknowledge as a possibility. Years ago I had read about high dose IV Vitamin C therapy as something that might help with this and I had asked the hospital GI team if we could try it. They agreed to try, but only consented to a fairly low dose of 500mg/day versus the higher dose I had requested.
The day after the incident with the fellow, another MD from the GI team that I had never met before showed up in my room. During the course of our conversation she asked how I was doing with the IV Vitamin C I had requested. I replied that it was a lower dose than I was hoping for, to which her only reply was “well, we don’t believe in that.” In the moment, I was more than a bit stunned by the illogical response.
The next morning I basically fired the hospital GI team from interacting with me in person, requesting that they no longer include me in their rounds. Any coordination that needed to be done on my case was to be routed through the amazing team of hospitalists I was working with. Otherwise, I was done with them!
Looking back, I have to laugh at how I grew this portion of my experience. The unknown doc’s choice of words of “we don’t believe in that” is particularly funny because it so mirrored back to me my own entrenched views of Western medicine (though I clearly didn’t see it that way in the moment).
Ultimately, my response to kick the hospital GI team out and no longer interact with them opened the door to new possibilities. The next day my regular GI doc showed up in my room and proposed an off-label strategy combining a couple of different meds, including one that I had been on since a few days after being admitted, albeit at a higher than FDA-approved dose.
I was definitely more open to it than I might otherwise have been in light of radical surgery being the next option on the table!
In parallel to all of the above, I was still navigating severe nausea. At first the docs had me on a couple of anti-nausea meds that had me sleeping much of the time and didn’t fully address the nausea. The one benefit of them was that I was not experiencing the sleeplessness that typically accompanies being on high-dose steroids.
Towards the end of my third week in the hospital, we agreed to try another drug to see if that addressed the nausea more effectively. It did, and I was even more doped up than I had been previously. I later learned that this same drug is highly sought after by drug addicts! Another benefit (no, really – I’ll explain!) was that I started waking up in the middle of the night when the effects of the anti-nausea meds wore off and the steroid wakefulness kicked in.
Fundamentals of Spiritual Healing – A Primer
The foundation of spiritual healing is the understanding of the divine nature of humanity. The first chapter of Genesis explains this as Man created in God’s image and likeness. Mary Baker Eddy explored it as “God and man as the divine Mind and that Mind’s idea.”
God/Mind/Being is Consciousness. Everything we experience as the universe is Consciousness manifest. We exist as a state of Consciousness. If that were stripped away, we would have no awareness.
For those unfamiliar with metaphysical terminology, I frequently use the following terms interchangeably to refer to the One changeless Reality commonly called God:
To be clear, Being does not mean “a Being” and neither God nor any of the other synonyms refer to anything “out there,” separate and apart from you and me. It definitely doesn’t mean an anthropomorphic deity up in the sky who is passing judgment on everyone. This is the divinity of you, me, and everything experienced in the world we walk through.
Anywhere I use (my/your) to describe some aspect of Being, it is to clarify that I am not referring to anything “out there,” separate and apart from my/your Self.
What Is Metaphysics, Anyway?
Metaphysics comes from the Greek root meaning the works after the physical. In philosophy, it focuses on the nature of reality, being, knowing, and identity.
As used here, it centers on looking beyond the surface picture to explore the fundamental Reality of the everyday experience of Life, the nature of Being, and the divine identity of humanity, all grounded in the understanding that there is only One thing going on in any experience.
There is no life that is not Life, no body that is not Soul, no existence that is not Spirit, no idea that is not Mind giving evidence of Its Allness, no experience that is not the omniactive functioning of Principle, no unfolding understanding that is not Truth Self-revealing.
Love is all of these made visible and tangible in our experience.
The challenge with many spiritual and metaphysical teachings today is that the Allness of God is taught and discussed. “It’s all good” is a catchphrase for many. But it is not lived or is lived dually with a God “out there” despite talk of God “in me” or “as me.” Many just don’t walk the talk!
The words simply become platitudes rather than practical, ideas in theory that are not lived. The emphasis here is on the practical application of spiritual and metaphysical principles in daily living.
It’s All Mental
Is Reality objective or subjective? The state of the world (my world) more and more clearly confirms the latter.
It has become increasingly obvious through my own experience of the world I walk through that so-called objective experience is an oxymoron. Just watch the news and it’s clear that people interpret and, therefore, experience the exact same, seemingly objective, event very differently.
Everything is subjective, filtered through our perceptions of reality — our perceptions of what we experience through our senses and the stories we tell ourselves about those experiences — rather than objectively, equally perceived, independent of thought, by all observers.
This is what is meant in metaphysics by the statement that “it’s all mental.” That doesn’t mean that the brain is doing something. It’s that our perceptions of the world around us are shaped by our beliefs, concepts, opinions, and the assumptions we make about whatever is happening in the world around us.
The world we walk through is really a world of our objectifiedAdd a Tooltip Text thoughts, and is perceived subjectively. AKA “thoughts are things” and “you create your own reality.”
You are the only authority in your experience of Life. There is no one and no thing “out there” to exert power over your experience.
Therefore, you can only ever be a “victim” of your own limited thinking. Once this is recognized, acknowledged, and lived, it is the only source of freedom in your experience of Life.
One, All, Whole & Complete
All is infinite Mind, infinitely manifest. This is Allness – nothing outside of Mind, and nothing else within it.
Infinite Mind is inclusive of the perfect idea of All and all that is encompassed by All.
This perfect, illimitable idea is forever unconstrained by beliefs, concepts, opinions, assumptions, and perceptions about It. Otherwise It would cease to be whole and complete, It would cease to be All.
One Mind, one Spirit, one Soul, one Principle, one Life, one Truth, one Love. All One. All individualized as what appears to be many. E unum pluribus.
This is infinite Omnipresence omnipresencing the best way we can see and understand It.
Whole is not something you become, it is what you are.
We often limit divine ideas like Wholeness and Completeness to the personal concept of self without exploring the deeper implications of what they really mean.
I frequently find this as the reason why so many have difficulty with, for example, Western medicine (as, obviously, did I!). This lack of discernment was my challenge for years, and it kept me stuck in a limited self-concept, living Life – and specifically Health – as unfulfilling.
(My) Mind/Self can only have one view of Its Allness – perfect Wholeness and Completeness. It knows no thing outside of Itself. How could there be anything outside of All? If it were not Whole and Complete, that would imply something exists separate and apart from All, thereby negating Its Allness.
We experience duality — a dualistic view of the one omnipresent, omniactive Reality — when we’re stuck living from a limited understanding and awareness of the true nature of (our) Being.
That dual view is shaped by our beliefs, concepts, and opinions which, in turn, frame our attachments (including any resistance) to and perceptions of the world we walk through.
Spiritual healing doesn’t require that you like, much less love, anyone or everyone. It does, however, require an acknowledgement that everyone and every thing in the world you walk through is included in (your) All — nothing outside It and nothing else within.
This is the meaning of Jesus’ second commandment to Love thy neighbor (i.e., fellow Man or humankind) as thyself. (Your) Allness, Wholeness and Completeness are inclusive of your neighbor; they, too, are divinity expressing.
Infinity is complete; Its unfoldment is eternal.
Infinity is continually revealing Its Allness, making all things new. What looks like “growth” is simply Infinity unfolding the best way I can see It from moment to moment.
Even the writing of this blog post is an example of Infinity unfolding as ideas. The insights unfolded as ideas, sentences, paragraphs in no particular order. So instead of writing as I normally do, focusing on one subject at a time, I was permissive of whatever understanding was ready to be discerned. Without resistance to block any of it from my awareness, the insights were transformative. It did sometimes make pulling the various puzzle pieces together a challenge as I edited!
Always In Action
Buckminster Fuller famously said that God is a verb, capturing the essence of Mind as active, the unchanging change of Infinity, rather than a static, inert lump of stuff like a noun.
We learn in physics that even apparently static objects like rocks and tables are comprised of atoms moving at speeds imperceptible to the human eye.
So even that which appears to be a static noun is also an active verb, Being being Itself being.
The inertia of a fixed noun — a lump of stuff — cannot reveal Omniaction. If I am the action and activity of Mind – Mind’s reflection – then that must be active. It must be a verb that demonstrates Infinity continually Self-revealing. That is how Infinity makes Itself known as my/your experience of Life.
Do not be deceived by appearances. “Let thine eye be single” (Matthew 6:22) on the fact that there is nothing in your world that is not Infinity Self-expressing the Allness of Good.
Infinity doesn’t require that any personality do anything. All Self-reveals Its Allness as (my/your) experience of the world we walk through. That might show up as so-called human footsteps where I am inspired to action. It might show up as (my) “others” doing something to help me (even when it might not look like help the way I’d define it). Or an infinite number of other ways.
The key is to acknowledge that I am the one growing my experience of Life, however it shows up.
You Are a Divine Idea, Not a Personality
“I am…means that God and man are two words for one omnipresent, omniscient, omnipotent Being.”
More than likely, you’re not who you think you are!
As a unique, individualized expression of Infinity you are, to paraphrase Kahlil Gibran, Life’s longing for Itself.
The divine idea that is Sumaiya, for example, is not limited to the Sumaiya who sits in a chair or who I see looking back at me in the mirror.
Sumaiya, the seeming personality housed in a body is really my divinity – God/Spirit/Mind/Soul giving evidence of Itself (as is everything in the world I walk through).
This is what the Bible means in referring to Man as God’s image and likeness, and what Mary Baker Eddy meant when she called Man “the reflection of God” and God’s “individualized [i.e., undivided] idea.”
When I acknowledge and live myself as God’s reflection, I am acknowledging my divine nature and all that that means.
This requires letting go of the personal (from the Latin persona, meaning character in a play or actor’s mask) concept of self to the full and complete acknowledgement that the I am that I am is God presencing.
Everything you experience is God presencing, no matter how it shows up or how you perceive it.
The Oneness of your humanity and divinity, body and Soul, is the Reality of (your) Being.
This is why the Bible specifies that God is no respecter of persons (Acts 10:34). Your personal sense of anything is, by definition, limited because you’ve placed a mask on the Reality of you.
What this really means is that Consciousness is never personal.
Man (i.e., humankind) – God’s spiritual image or reflection – is a divine idea.
You are that idea expressing.
Your nature is the Perfection that sources (your) Being, not the personality you believe yourself to be.
You don’t need to do anything to become perfect, just acknowledge the Perfection that is your essence.
“Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect” (Matthew 5:48) is, therefore, a demand to acknowledge the inherent Perfection that you are, not a command to do something in order to become perfect.
So Quit Worrying About Getting Rid of the Ego, Personality, or Shadow Self!
A divine idea cannot be impaired, inert, or inactive. It cannot be obstructed, constrained, or constricted. Nor can it be hidden.
Any desire to get rid of the ego, personality, or shadow self to live your divine self is just another form of resistance that perpetuates your limited sense of self.
You are always living your divine Self, consciously or unconsciously, no matter how you show up in the world. Whatever seems to be is Reality filtered through your duality-driven beliefs, concepts, and opinions.
It is your limited thinking – and that alone – that shapes your perception of Reality.
Whatever seems to be is (my) Being, being Itself being. Nothing more — nothing outside of Reality; nothing less than (my) Allness coming into view.
There’s no need to resist the ego/personality because it, and everything in your experience of living as personality, is pointing you in the direction of the divinity of (your) Being. The question is are you paying attention?
What Does That Even Mean?
Mary Baker Eddy wrote that “there is but one Ego.”
After first coming across that quote several years ago, I was intrigued. I’ll be honest — I didn’t entirely understand what she meant when I first read it. Ego had primarily been used negatively in my experience, so this was something new.
I just stayed with the words over a period of time, not trying to figure it out or force an understanding to come, just trusting that it would reveal itself as my awareness.
Over time, I finally understood that it was just another way of expressing the Oneness of Being, and that the so-called ego we often hear about is really just that one Ego infinitely individualized (i.e., undivided).
The one Ego expresses infinitely, so as I try to limit It by defining and outlining, I land head first in the duality-driven paradox of infinity, with seeming good and bad, sickness and wellness, abundance and lack, so-called spiritual and non-spiritual.
It’s ALL spiritual, and if you believe it’s not, you’re stuck in duality!
Like many on the “spiritual path” I had long resisted the ego, believing it was something to overcome or get rid of so that I could live a “more spiritual” life. And that just created persistence. The exact opposite of what I was trying to do.
When this insight clicked, I recognized and acknowledged that however “my ego” was showing up was really (my) Being presencing. So I stopped resisting (sometimes more successfully than others!). As some of those traits stopped being of value, they began to fade away.
Now, as I consciously acknowledge that however I’m showing up in the world is (my) Being being Itself being, I generally don’t pay attention to the ego/personality, much less try to fix or overcome it.
There’s only One thing going on. As you recognize, acknowledge, and live that fact, (your) Infinity – your infinite Self – will evolve a new experience of personality/ego for you.
How You Identify and Live Yourself Impacts Your Experience of Life
Your experience of the world you walk through is intrinsically tied to your sense of identity.
The meaning of identity is actually sameness. When explored from a metaphysical perspective it means that when I’m consciously Self-aware of my divine nature, and actually living from that awareness in my day-to-day, I am unlimited, unconstrained thinking exploring new frontiers of Infinity. I am permissive of however the Allness of Good shows up as the world that I walk through because I have no preconceived notions of what Good must look like in order to match my definition of good.
When you limit your identity to concepts of race, gender, ethnicity, sexual orientation, education, socio-economic class, or anything else, you’re stuck in personal thinking and thus in the paradox of a limited point of view of the world you walk through. You’re back to limiting (your view of) Infinity. We each grow our experience of Life, however it shows up, as a direct result of our sense of identity and the limits that we – consciously or unconsciously – place upon our illimitable divine nature.
You’ll never be permanently comfortable living as less than the Whole of who you are.
The question for you is this: where and how have you limited your identity? And are you willing to explore something new?
The Power of Principle
The Principle of (your/my) Being governs all action and all expression. Principle, divine Law, is the foundation of every divine idea, and cannot be diminished, deterred, or limited in any way. Neither can a divine idea.
Principle provides continual evidence of Its operation as divine ideas unfolding as (your/my) conscious awareness. Moment by moment Infinity makes all things new because Principle is neither bound nor limited by precedent.
Principle does not need Sumaiya the personality to manage Its expression, especially to micro manage It by outlining what Its expression needs to look like.
The Principle of (my) Being is continually expressing Itself and is always demonstrating Its infinitude. Therefore, divine ideas cannot remain unfulfilled – that includes you, me, and everything in the world we walk through.
What Do You Mean By Beliefs, Concepts and Perceptions?
“Insight, mental vision, is not the same as believing. Rather, only insight can reveal each belief as a convincing kind of self-acceptance.”
~ John M. Dorsey, M.D.
One of the more profound realizations for me in the unfoldment of my understanding over the years was that when I define something, anything outside of that definition is excluded.
While that may seem obvious, when considered metaphysically any attempt to define or outline automatically creates a sense of duality. Anything falling outside of my definition becomes “not it,” kind of like a metaphysical game of tag — anything tagged by my definition as “not it” falls outside of All.
Beliefs, concepts, opinions, and assumptions limit how you see your Self and the world around you and, therefore, how you experience Life.
They are always an artificial constraint – a point of view – that can be set aside the moment you understand that there’s no value in holding on to them. These beliefs, concepts, and opinions, plus our attachments (including anything we’re resisting), frame our perceptions of Reality.
All beliefs, concepts, opinions, attachments, and perceptions limit your experience of Life, regardless of whether they are considered to be “positive” or “negative.”
Because perception is reception, limited thinking shuts the door of your experience to new possibilities.
Personal Concepts and Points of View Keep You Stuck
My personal concept of health – whether anti-Western medicine or pro natural remedies, as if they were a source and condition of Health – in effect limited the illimitable in my experience by constraining my view of Health. I was unable to see or experience any aspect of Health that fell outside of my definition of what It should look like.
When I fail to acknowledge and live the fact that Health constitutes (my) Being, that It is ever present because I am, and that there are infinite ways it can show up in my experience to demonstrate that fact, I cut myself off from the fullness of (my) Being, my Wholeness.
The minute I say Health can’t look a certain way, (my) infinite Health will start to disabuse me of that sense of limitation because that is not the Truth of who I am.
I then get caught up in the paradox that results from living a duality-oriented existence, with Life apparently subject to the vagaries, whims and caprices of the world that are really just based on the concepts I’ve created about it.
I am the law to my every experience.
A duality-driven world view creates the experience of duality in my world. It is this perception of duality as real that creates any and all suffering I experience.
When I recognize – without attachment or resistance – that it’s all just a point of view based on beliefs, concepts, and opinions that I’ve simply made up, I create space for new insights and understanding that pave the way for a shift in the picture. These new insights and understanding are Reality coming into clearer view as my awareness. But I have to be willing to give up my story – and any associated beliefs, concepts, opinions, and attachments – first.
Whenever I live anything as a finite conceptAdd a Tooltip Text or limited idea, without recognizing the functioning of Principle as Its foundation, I’m stuck.
Illimitable Truth is the basis of the concept, otherwise the concept couldn’t exist – it would have to exist outside of All for that to be the case. But when I mistake the concept for Truth, I’m setting my self up to experience some clarification in my understanding. And that isn’t bad! Though we typically assume and live as though it is.
My sense of Reality presencing expands once the limitation of the beliefs, concepts, opinions, and attachments that have clouded my vision are gone. That paves the way for my highest human concept – the clearest way I can see and comprehend Perfection – to come into view. Not because I’ve outlined it that way but because Perfection demands recognition.
Perfection showing up as the highest human concept is instantly recognizable evidence unfolding that I can easily acknowledge.
Your Sense of Duality Creates Experiences of Duality As Your Experience
Beliefs, concepts, opinions and assumptions about anything always have you stuck in in a dualistic framework because however you define anything always leaves some aspect of Infinity out.
If I believe that (my) All is limited and constrained, that someone “out there” can withhold some aspect of my Good/All/Wholeness from me, I’m seeing the world I walk through dually. Then I’ve got
- wars and other conflicts;
- migrant hordes invading our country;
- government shutdowns and national emergencies;
- Brexit chaos in the UK and the increasingly polarized state of American politics;
- the apparent rise of dictators throughout the world;
- lack that requires wealth redistribution to remedy (robbing (my) Peter to pay (my) Paul, denying the Wholeness of both);
- hackers stealing my identity;
- the need for others to modify their speech or attire in order for me to feel safe;
- laws or “others” that prevent me from fully and completely expressing some aspect of my being (whether race, ethnicity, religion, sexuality, gender, etc.);
- man-made (separate from Mind-made) climate change that is harming the planet;
- and more
Perception Equals Reception
“Certain it is that evil will remain with us just as long as we entertain the belief that there is evil.”
Take your beliefs, concepts, and opinions, layer in your assumptions (BCOAs), and you’ve got your perceptions of the world you walk through.
While perception equals reception, your perceptions of reality are not Reality. They’re just a point of view. Think about it. Have you ever experienced anything separate and apart from your perception of it? It’s an impossibility!
A great, recent example of how beliefs, concepts, and opinions frame our perceptions of the world we walk through is the group of Kentucky teenagers who were tried and convicted in the court of public opinion over the 2019 MLK holiday weekend.
Based on a brief video clip of an interaction they had, they were excoriated around the world. Perceptions of what folks thought happened were shaped by beliefs, concepts, and opinions of teenagers, people who wear “Make America Great Again” caps, those who attended the Right to Life march, and how people interpreted the expression on one teenager’s face.
Rather than recognizing that what they were viewing was a very brief encounter and considering that they might not have the full picture, people everywhere condemned who they believed were the aggressors in the situation. Officials from their school said they might be expelled. They were roundly condemned by members of the media, celebrities and the public at large. They received death threats.
As additional video soon came to light, it became clear that the original perception of the event was not how it actually unfolded. Even after theses additional videos came to light showing multiple perspectives of the unfolding event, the debate still raged on what, exactly, people were seeing.
Freedom of expression/speech/religion, patriarchy, privilege, oppression, an example of the degenerating values in “Donald Trump’s America,” were just some of the perceptions about the event.
For some, a hat isn’t just a hat. Apparently, it can signify racism for some, while others believe the hats are patriotic. Ultimately, regardless of the point of view, it’s tied up in all of the beliefs, concepts, opinions, and assumptions folks have about the hat, who’s wearing it, what they assume about who’s wearing it, and what they believe about Donald Trump.
For those triggered by the hat, instead of looking at their own duality-driven BCOAs and what they bring up, others must adjust their sartorial decisions to protect those BCOAs from being questioned.
It’s a perfect example of how BCOAs shape our perceptions in a way that has nothing to do with reality, much less Reality! Clearly, perception equals reception.
We make assumptions, and then make up up stories based on those assumptions. Invariably, those assumptions are based on a sense of duality in some way, shape or form.
It’s all “fake news” – just a point of view – if it isn’t grounded in living my divinity Self-consciously, if I fail to acknowledge the Allness of Good, the operation of Principle as every happening in the world that I walk through.
The assumptions we make about people’s motivations say more about our BCOAs than they do about the other person or any so-called objective experience.
The only thing you’re ever seeing is Perfection presencing the best way you can see it through the haze of the BCOAs that limit your thinking and cloud your vision.
If you’re disturbed by whatever picture you’re seeing, it simply means that you’re unconsciously living (your) Perfection and It remains unacknowledged in the world you walk through.
The Only Reason Why Your Beliefs, Concepts, and Opinions Matter
Whatever seems to be is (your) perfect Being presencing the best way you can see it through the lens of your beliefs, concepts, opinions, and assumptions (BCOAs).
If you believe that anything in your world has to look a specific way, you are — consciously or unconsciously— trying to limit Infinity to your concepts about It.
It’s impossible to be open minded – to remain open to the infinite possibilities of (your) Being – and cling to your BCOAs of what Its unfoldment should look like.
Infinite Truth cannot be confined to our concepts about It. The divinity of you won’t allow you to be limited by your self-concept. Truth Itself gives rise to the way in which It is seen/understood (i.e., the concept) moment-by-moment. It cannot be limited to a fixed concept if It is to remain Infinite.
Metaphysicians who blame the personality or ego for holding onto beliefs that are causing problems are stuck in a dualistic view of Life. Those who think that beliefs must be gotten rid of or exchanged for “better beliefs,” are failing to acknowledge that if God is All, It must also be the ego/personality and any associated BCOAs. Their view requires a mind apart from Mind.
“Finding a better belief” is, therefore, not the solution. The ksy is to release all attachment and resistance to any beliefs you might be holding onto.
(My) Allness, (my) Mind, is the source and condition of both the belief as well as the new insights and understanding that arise when I stand firm in acknowledging the Oneness of Being. Understanding paves the way for the eventual destruction of the belief. The personality-oriented “solution” merely perpetuates it.
Believing that I can create change in my experience by fixing my limiting BCOAs keeps me stuck in a limited, personal sense of self. Consciously acknowledging the facts of (my) Being and (my) Infinity opens the door to new possibilities as my experience.
As understanding unfolds as our awareness, it our concepts of good that die daily (1 Corinthians 15:31) to reveal the infinitude of Principle and its idea as the entirety of the world we walk through.
This Is Not a New Idea
Plato captured this idea over 2,400 years ago in his “Allegory of the Cave” from The Republic:
The Paradox of Infinity
When, in living my self unconsciously, I try to define God or Truth or Health or All – divine facts of Being that have no opposite – my concept of what they are creates an apparent opposite (i.e., anything that falls outside of my concept) in my experience. The paradox of Infinity arises from this dualistic view of Truth.
Infinite Truth cannot be confined to our beliefs and concepts about It. Any insistence on doing so by clinging to our concepts creates the resistance that gives rise to our so-called problems.
So-called because I like to think of problems as (our) Infinity seeking conscious recognition of Its infinitude, forcing us to give up any artificial limitations to our sense of Self along the way.
There are no opposites in All. Our beliefs, concepts, and opinions, however, require opposites as a (self-created) frame of reference. In the paradox of Infinity, pairs of opposites define each other. Abraham-Hicks calls it two ends of the stick. It really just means two (or more) views of one infinite Reality.
If Omniaction is the fact, then Love, whether consciously acknowledged or not, is the source and condition of everything I experience, whether seen as Love or from within the paradox as love/hate, right/wrong, good/bad, health/sickness, joy/sorrow, etc.
Limited Thinking Is the Framework For Living in the Paradox
If I conceptualize anything (e.g., wellness) by defining or outlining what it is/what it should look like, I’ve also got it’s opposite (i.e., sickness). Reality, however, is unchanging. How I perceive the perfection of that Reality is framed by the beliefs, concepts, opinions, and assumptions (BCOAs) I have about it.
The immutable facts of Being don’t vary whether I appear to be sick/well, happy/sad, etc. My point of view about Reality can’t affect the spiritual fact, only how I experience it.
The more our BCOAs outline how Infinity must unfold in order to “be good,” the more we are, in effect, limiting our infinitude. And the demands of (our) Infinity for recognition of Its infinitude will break through to get our attention in the form of problems.
For example, my concept of good, however I define it, determines what I call bad. That differs from person to person. Same for health and sickness, and any other pair of opposites you can think of.
When I mistake my concepts for Reality, I get stuck in the paradox of Infinity with both positive and negative polarities. When lived unselfconsciously, this is often experienced as expanding in the negative.
The only reality to any experience is the reality we give it. When we’re stuck and operating from a dualistic framework, we ascribe reality to the resulting paradox that must come into view to alert us to the error of our ways.
Examples of the Paradox of Infinity
Anything I’m not consciously living as the Allness of Good can show up in/as my experience within the paradox of Infinity as good/bad to highlight that I’m living it dually.
For example, think of all of the foods that, over the years, you’ve been told are both “good” for you and “bad” for you. Eggs, coffee, and saturated fats are three that immediately come to mind. Even much maligned cholesterol has been revisited, with correlations noted between high serum cholesterol and immunity against infectious disease.
The move to electric vehicles is widely considered to be good for the environment. Yet even in California, in 2017 less than 30% of electricity was generated from renewable sources like solar and wind, with roughly 50% coming from fossil fuels (primarily natural gas) and nuclear energy, and approximately 20% coming from hydroelectric sources that can damage natural habitats. So while electric cars appear to run cleaner, the energy running them primarily comes from sources believed to damage the environment.
In the paradox of Infinity, the divine idea of water can appear as a babbling brook, a gentle rain, a drenching thunderstorm, or a tsunami. It can also appear as drought, floods, mudslides, and more.
These are just a few examples of the paradox of Infinity in action. When we’re living any aspect of Life unselfconsciously, we can experience it dually.
Why It Matters
In the paradox, Good is the only happening even if it is not consciously discerned or acknowledged. Whatever seems to be is (your) Being coming to view the best way you can see it. There are never two things going on.
If you identify yourself as the person/personality you see in the mirror, your experience of life is subject to the whims and caprices of the paradox of infinity — with a dualistic world view comprised of good/bad, right/wrong, health/sickness, justice/injustice, gain/loss, etc.
It’s your limited sense of self that keeps you stuck in a limited experience of Life.
Nothing seen from within the paradox is actually causative.
As you consciously identify, acknowledge, and live yourself as divine reflection — Mind/Spirit/Soul/Principle/Life/Truth/Love in action, Omnipresence omnipresencing, God giving evidence of Itself as you and the world you walk through – your experience of Life is one of Wholeness. As you consciously live your infinitude with no limits to your thinking, there is nothing to cut you off from any aspect of your Allness.
From a metaphysical perspective, this is what is meant in the Bible by “agree with thy adversary quickly.”
You create space for a new experience of Infinity as you consciously acknowledge and live the spiritual fact that there’s only One thing going on.
This is the source and condition of the Freedom beyond any concepts of freedom and bondage that most seek – and fail – to find.
Problems: Your Duality Alert System
Problems occur when your perceptions of self bump up against the Reality of you. Those perceptions are always framed by your beliefs, concepts, opinions, and assumptions (BCOAs), and drive how you view and react to the so-called problems in your life.
Your problems get your attention and shine a big spotlight on how you’re living dually, believing there’s more than One thing going on, that somehow you’re less than All/Whole/Complete. You will never be permanently comfortable living as less than the Wholeness of who you are. The gift is that the discomfort of your problems opens the door to new insights and understanding.
There is nothing propping up a “negative” point of view other than your attachment/resistance to it. A point of view that has you comfortable without acknowledging that (your) Comfort is its source and condition, is subject to destruction because you’re stuck in the paradox. Neither scenario is, of course, punishment; rather, only Reality demanding conscious recognition.
A house divided against itself cannot stand (Mark 3:25). When I am living myself as less than my Allness, problems (from the human sense) show up to alert me to that fact. The longer I ignore them, the bigger they get – a duality alert system to get my attention. My hospitalization experience had to look the way it did to snap me out of my duality-induced stupor!
It’s an alert system because it’s really just a heads-up – “oh, I’m somehow believing there’s more than One thing going on here.”
If you ignore the signals of your duality alert system as it flashes from green to yellow to flashing red to “hey, you’d really better pay attention here” red, the problem appears to grow because (your) Reality (in the form of your problem) is trying to get your attention and show you how you’re limiting your infinitude.
And when you don’t pay attention – or when you cling to the limiting beliefs, concepts, opinions, and assumptions that form the basis of the problem – the problem appears to dominate your experience.
We often make a big deal about our problems, making up stories about them, wallowing in them, getting stuck in them. We think the picture has meaning in and of itself. The only meaning any situation or experience – including our problems – can possibly have is that Reality, Being, is present. Anything else added to that is superfluous, a belief, concept or opinion that has been layered on.
Your problems are inviting you to expand your definition of something, to move from a limited way of looking at things in your world to something more expansive. They’re showing up in your world to encourage you to step out of whatever box you’ve put yourself in and think bigger.
If you simply consider them to be an alert mechanism with no other meaning added, resistance fades, the door to unlimited thinking cracks open, and new insights are consciously available to you.
Because it’s all mental, the only place the problem exists as a problem is in your thoughts about it. The beauty is that that’s where the solution exists as well. Problem and solution cannot exist separate from one another. Cracking the door open to unlimited thinking give you access to the Reality of the solution. The problem only exists as a vehicle to get you to think bigger and expand your sense of possibility.
Resistance, Permissiveness and Allowing
Acknowledging the Allness of Good requires that you be 100% permissive to however it shows up. Any resistance to what is showing up, even to what may show up, gunks up the works.
Every so-called problem that appears on your path does so with a gift in-hand. I’ve previously written about befriending your dragons as a way to explore your problems – and any resistance you experience along with them – as a way to uncover the gifts they bring. Recognizing that there are gifts to be consciously acknowledged in every seemingly difficult circumstance makes it easier to be permissive of whatever crosses your path.
For each and every thing you are resisting, there’s a belief, concept, opinion, or assumption that something other than Good is present. You’re acknowledging another god before God.
Even intention setting within the framework of wanting to change the picture can be a form of resistance if the goal is to outline, on some level, how you want Good to show up.
Most intention setting exercises are completed at the conceptual level and are the result of limited, personal thinking rather than the unlimited, infinite thinking of Mind. The effect is cutting off self from the full awareness of Self.
The only intention of (your) Mind is to reveal and express Its Allness. Resistance to any aspect of your Allness keeps you stuck in the paradox. It is is the only thing that keeps your limited view of Perfection in place.
Metaphysical Basis of the Picture
The night between Christmas Eve and Christmas Day was really the first time I was alert enough to explore the picture I had grown for myself more deeply from a metaphysical perspective. A few things became abundantly clear.
- I was still navigating a duality-driven world view of Western medicine, MDs, and pharmaceuticals. As far as I was concerned, so-called natural medicine was best, while Western medicine was bad because of its seemingly single minded focus on alleviating symptoms rather than addressing the root causes of health issues. Doctors often said “you know your body best,” but when push came to shove they didn’t act like they thought that was true.
I clearly had more work to do regarding Western medicine after the last blog post I wrote about my health experience a couple of years back. In retrospect, I realized that the seeming side effects I had experienced with other pharmaceuticals in the intervening years made me even more resistant to them and the MDs who prescribed them without providing any other options (obviously that means the options I had outlined for them!). I was living them dually, so of course I had to experience them the way that I did in the hospital. And my “they” sure did seem to be up for that task!
- I believed that bacteria, viruses, and other so-called pathogens – what I considered to be at the root of the symptoms I was experiencing – could oppose Love and existed separate and apart from the Allness of Good.
- My sense of Wholeness was fairly limited to my physical body, with that being the focal point for how I thought I had to experience it.
- I had been limiting the divine idea of Health to how I defined it and to my concept of how it should look.
- I was operating under a limited sense of self, failing to acknowledge fully the divinity of (my) Being.
- While I was saying that what I was experiencing was the Allness of Good, I was so uncomfortable that I really just wanted to outline and micromanage how Good was showing up in my experience.
Simply put, I was very resistant to how Good was showing up, which kept me in a state of duality about the experience.
I realized that I had been so attached to controlling the picture, to my health looking the way I had predetermined it should, that I wasn’t willing to allow it to look any other way. I was, in effect, limiting Infinity.
It was my resistance to the picture that was causing it to persist.
I had been limiting my understanding of Health to what kept me comfortable. Anything causing discomfort was placed outside of my definition and, therefore, I was stuck in the paradox.
What became abundantly clear that night as I listened to the “still, small voice” of (my) Good was that it was time for me to stop denying the whole Truth – the Wholeness – of who I am.
Omniabsence Isn’t a Thing
I reminded myself that there’s no on/off switch to Omnipresence, and that omniabsence isn’t a thing.
This verse from Psalm 138 came to mind: “If I make my bed in hell, behold, thou art there.”
I – and no one else – had made my bed in hell. And still, Omnipresence omnipresencing was the spiritual fact of the experience.
Mind, the Allness of Good that can never be an absence, was the only happening in the experience. My metaphysical work that night continued from there.
In years past, when symptoms of a flare first started to appear, my tendency was to ignore them because I didn’t want to give them “any energy.” But that was just a form of resistance.
To quote Betty Albee, one of my teachers, “what you ignore dominates you.” Dominate, indeed!
Acknowledging the Allness of Good as the Reality of every experience is not the same as “giving it energy.”
It took an extreme situation to force me to look at deep-seated beliefs, concepts and opinions that I previously had been unwilling to explore (or continue to explore, in some cases) before I was ready for new insights and understanding to emerge.
To be clear, this wasn’t the personality/ego self “thinking about” metaphysical statements. It was my Self opening my conscious awareness to my Allness (i.e., acknowledging the Allness of Good, regardless of how the picture looked) and allowing insights to unfold as my conscious awareness.
I Had To Seek First The Kingdom
Seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added unto you. (Matthew 6:33)
From a Bible metaphysics perspective, I had to seek first the kingdom, meaning acknowledge that the kingdom (i.e., Perfection, the Allness of Good) is spread out upon the earth – here and now, not somewhere “out there” – no matter how I’m seeing or experiencing it.
Only then would “all these things be added.” Only then could I experience Perfection in a way that I would recognize. Actual acknowledgment, without resistance, had to come first before I could experience a shift. Even if the picture didn’t shift, the kingdom – Perfection – would have been no less present.
Infinite Perfection can never be broken. Therefore, nothing in my world can ever be broken or impaired except in my perception of it.
Seeking a specific outcome that I had outlined kept me limited. Being permissive to whatever was showing up allowed me to remain open to possibility.
As soon as I became permissive of the picture, things started to shift.
Evidence began showing up the next day that more closely matched my highest human concept. At first I experienced it as a lightness of Being. With resistance gone, I was fully permissive to however Infinity showed up. I was expanding beyond my personal, duality-oriented definition of good and recognizing more fully the Allness of Good, regardless of how the picture looked.
The contrast between my first three weeks in the hospital – when I was very resistant to the picture – versus my last week – as I was permissive – still amazes me.
Like the Prodigal Son, I began to experience a sense of the Reality that was never absent other than in my perception of it. Truth “ran and fell on [my] neck and kissed [me],” and emerged as greater understanding.
The Picture Began to Shift
After 3 weeks in the hospital with some, albeit seemingly limited, visible progress in alleviating the symptoms I was experiencing, the week after my Christmas Eve night/early Christmas morning of deep metaphysical work and insights unfolded as a rapidly changing picture.
1. The next day my husband, recognizing just how doped up the anti-nausea meds I was taking were making me, urged me and the doctor to stop them. He wanted his wife back! If needed, the docs had some other anti-nausea options available, so I agreed. While it took until the day after Christmas for all the effects to dissipate, I finally started to feel like myself again
2. The day after Christmas, the inflammation labs which had been bouncing around in a fairly wide range over the previous two weeks hit the lowest level during my hospitalization thus far. My CRP was still well above the target threshold, and it was a visible shift in the picture nonetheless.
What to Eat? Love Supplies…
3. A couple of days after Christmas, my husband and I started discussing how we’d manage my diet once I got home to ensure that I was eating nutrient dense foods that my digestive system would tolerate. After brainstorming some ideas that evening but not yet having a concrete plan, we left it as we often do – “we’ll figure it out.”
For some, “figuring it out” means creating lists, investigating options, making decisions. For me, this phrase is typically my shorthand way of saying that next steps will become clear, that we don’t need to tax our brains or get stressed out about how to make something happen.
The next morning, the hospital dietician I had met with soon after my admission stopped by my room. Unbeknownst to us, he, too, had apparently been brainstorming about my nutritional needs and offered up a suggestion for enteral nutrition (a feeding tube) with a high quality, nutrient dense shake formula. This was a standard therapy for children with ulcerative colitis, but the results of clinical research in adults was mixed at best with no clear findings of benefit.
I explained to him the doctors’ plan to migrate me from IV steroids to oral steroids the next morning, and that I didn’t want to start something else new that could confuse “the cause” of any changes. After reviewing the research he shared and discussing with my husband, I told the dietician that I was willing to move ahead with his suggestion; I just wanted to wait a day or two between migrating to oral steroids so that the impact of each change was clear.
While I ultimately decided against the feeding tube route for a variety of reasons, I included the recommended nutrient dense shakes as my primary nutrient source for my first few weeks after coming out of the hospital, which supports what my husband and I had been brainstorming about. Love supplied the human need in a way that I was easily able to recognize, without our having to do any “figuring out” (in the way most mean it).
4. During my chat with the dietician, I mentioned to him that the docs had started weaning me of IV fluids to start preparing me for eventual discharge. He immediately suggested Drip Drop, an oral rehydration solution designed to balance electrolytes, to help with the transition. Unbeknownst to him, I had been experiencing nausea, headaches, and a fuzzy brain feeling (symptoms, I would later learn, of dehydration) even though I had been drinking more than enough water to offset the fluids I was no longer receiving via IV. I had just continued to acknowledge the Allness of Good without resisting the discomfort I was experiencing, or trying to fix or change it (just another form of resistance).
Within an hour I had my first packet of Drip Drop, and within two hours of that all of the dehydration symptoms I had been experiencing were gone. [Please note that I have no affiliation with Drip Drop, financial or otherwise.] After two packets of Drip Drop on Friday, my potassium level the next morning – which had primarily been hovering at or below the low end of the target threshold for weeks despite multiple, painful IV potassium infusions – was comfortably above the threshold for the first time in over 10 days and stayed there until I was discharged as I continued taking Drip Drop during the remainder of my hospitalization.
5. Later that afternoon one of my cousins, who is a plastic surgeon, called to check in on me. During our conversation he mentioned that he recommends arnica, a homeopathic remedy, to patients post-surgery (as, apparently, do a number of plastic surgeons) to reduce inflammation. He promised to text me the details after we got off the phone.
As it happened, we had that exact remedy in our medicine cabinet at home, so my husband brought it to me the next day. Within less than 2 days of surreptitiously starting it in the hospital (labs had been decreased in frequency from daily to every other day by that point), my CRP was down by a third vs the previous set of labs to the lowest level since I’d been hospitalized.
What’s interesting to note is that this idea didn’t come up during a previous conversation with him the week prior (when inflammation was even greater).
It wasn’t until I became permissive of the picture that I was truly open to new possibility in ways I hadn’t even considered.
No More GI Bleed
6. The GI bleed I had been experiencing, typically one of the more difficult aspects of a UC flare to get under control (especially while being on blood thinners to prevent a blood clot), also stopped that same weekend between Christmas and New Year’s. While bleeding was significantly less by Christmas, it had continued to linger.
7. The nausea, which had previously been severe, dissipated without the need for any more anti-nausea meds, enabling discussions of migrating me off of IV fluids and transitioning from IV steroids to an oral version, both prerequisites to getting me ready to go home.
Almost as if my body was telling me I was ready, my IV gave out the night before I was to start my first dose of oral steroids. The nurses made a couple of unsuccessful attempts to insert a new one and, when the overnight docs agreed to wait until the morning for another attempt, I had my first night of freedom from the IV pole in almost 4 weeks.
The next morning I asked the docs if we could hold off on trying a new IV until we saw how I did with the oral steroids and continued oral hydration. They agreed.
We never looked back. I was permanently free of the IV pole for what ended up being my last few days in the hospital.
Ready to Go Home
By the Sunday after Christmas, I was feeling better and ready to go home. I told the docs that I would love to go home the next day – New Year’s Eve – as I really didn’t want to start 2019 in the hospital if at all possible.
Given the holiday, they warned me of a potential challenge with getting one of the meds that I needed. They also said they’d see what they could do to support my request. They even asked what time would work for my husband to pick me up. I said noon.
Overnight during my prednisone-induced wide awake state, I had a clear sense that I would not be discharged by noon as I had originally hoped. Yet I had a strong knowing that I would be out of the hospital by 3pm on New Year’s Eve and able to start the New Year at home in my own bed.
So I was not surprised when the doctors came by the next morning and told me that they were still working to sort through accessing the meds I needed in order to be discharged (which appeared to be limited in availability due to the holidays).
It was clear they were doing everything they could and felt bad about the challenges and delays that could, potentially, keep me in the hospital for an additional 3-4 days.
I didn’t want them to feel bad about any of it, so while I wouldn’t ordinarily share my intuitive insights with an audience unlikely to be receptive to them, I told them that I wasn’t surprised by the delay because I had intuited it and that my sense was that whatever needed to be sorted out would be between 2-3pm that afternoon.
If, ultimately, it ended up that I needed to stay in the hospital through the end of the week because of the meds, I was fine with it. And if I was able to go home, that was great, too. I was remarkably unattached to the outcome.
The way things had unfolded over the previous several days had been a strong reminder of how the Allness of Good can unfold when I’m permissive of however the picture looks. So if I ended up needing to stay in the hospital for a few more days than I would have liked, so be it. That experience would have been nothing less than Omniaction, so why resist it? I really meant it and was at peace with however the picture evolved.
I’m still amazed at how everything unfolded over the next few hours. Just after 1pm, one of the docs stopped back in and let me know that the hospital pharmacist was able to locate a sufficient supply of the meds I needed. She said the pharmacist was working to get them and expected to hand deliver them to me between 3-4pm.
He ended up walking into my room just after 2pm and handed me my freedom from the hospital – a 10-day supply of the meds I needed in order to be discharged, sufficient to win my release. He said the remaining balance to my month-long needs would be available after New Year’s.
After I asked how he was able to locate the meds, he explained that he worked all of his pharmacist connections in the city and it was through one of those that he found them. It was a specialty pharmacy division of Walgreen’s, and the pharmacy manager there had interned at the hospital when she was going through her training.
Because the pharmacy was closing at 5pm due to it being New Year’s Eve, the Walgreen’s pharmacy manager even took the extra step of putting a pharmacy tech on the MUNI to hand deliver the package and ensure I had it in-hand before they closed!
Going home to continue my recovery was my highest human concept of Good so, of course, it all had to show up in a way I could recognize.
We pulled out of the hospital driveway at 2:51pm and I was able to start 2019 from the comfort of home.
Nine days later, my CRP was back within the standard range.
And by mid-way through my third week out of the hospital, it had inched ever closer to zero. When I checked previous results, it was the lowest level in over 2 years of testing.
Insights Into Spiritual Healing
Healing is the increasing awareness of perfection, rather than the eradication of disease.
Before this UC flare started, I had grown complacent in doing my metaphysical work on the subject of health because I had grown comfortable in my lack of symptoms. I conflated the lack of symptoms with Health. I was limiting Health to my concept of it rather than being open to the infinitude of Health, however it might show up.
My failing to consciously acknowledge, and live, the divinity of my Being, was the only thing “causing” my experience, not as punishment but as a wake-up call. The Allness of Good came into view the way It had to for me to recognize and acknowledge the Reality of me.
Because I was stuck in the duality-driven paradox of Infinity, I had to lose my life to save it (Luke 17:33). I had to lose my limited sense of self to experience the Reality of my Self, which remains forever untouched by appearances.
In living my Self unconsciously, I created this experience by clinging to my limited, personal concept.
I created space for a shift by releasing my attachment to that limited sense of self and being permissive to however Reality showed up.
Anything lived as outside of Mind/the Allness of God/Good shows up as duality in our experience, for obvious reasons – to alert us to the illusion that we’re allowing to masquerade as Truth.
This is the metaphysical meaning behind the First Commandment dictum to “have no other gods before Me” – there is no Reality to duality when God/Mind is All.
There is no authority outside of one’s own divine Selfhood.
Those beliefs, concepts, and opinions – what I was accepting as true about myself, my health, and the world that I walk through – thoroughly and completely shaped the experience I was having.
The insights and understanding that have seemingly flooded my awareness in the past few weeks have profoundly shifted my sense of Self, and have opened the door to new possibilities.
I Had to Give Up My Limited, Personal Sense of Self
I now recognize that my hospital experience was really an invitation to give up my limited self-concept because that concept, mistaken for the Reality of me, keeps the Reality of me hidden from my view.
This is not about directing my mind. Personal sense does not heal; it provides a limited perspective of health. It’s acknowledging the facts of (my) unlimited Being – without restriction, without limitation, without outlining how I think things should work out in my experience – and being permissive of however (my) Infinity unfolds Its (my) Perfection.
Acknowledging Health as the foundation of my concept of health keeps me out of duality. Being permissive to whatever is showing up allows (my) infinite Health to get to work unfolding Its infinitude in way that I can recognize.
When I’m stuck in a concept of health, mistaking it for Health, I’m stuck in limited thinking. (My) Health as sickness and dis-ease can’t be far off to dispose of the concept, disabuse me of my limited thinking, and unmask my Self from my concept of self. In any apparent sickness, I’ve got to have Health as its Principle, the foundation governing Its expression as my experience.
In my experience, (my) Truth destroyed my beliefs, concepts, and opinions of health. That destruction had to occur before the construction (i.e., understanding) of Health could take place as my conscious awareness.
So what (to some) appeared as a negative experience was actually the foundation of greater understanding. I had to grow my world in the way I did, as this understanding evidently could not enter my awareness when I was comfortable in my concept of health.
This was the most significant aspect of the shift I experienced the night between Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. It was my failure to acknowledge my Self, the Reality of me, that was at the root of all of my so-called health problems.
(My) Love —the divinity of (my) Being — would no longer let me live that lie of limitation.
Understanding the True Meaning of Wholeness
I realized I had previously been living Wholeness as limited to my physical body. Therefore, I had to experience the full impact of the lie of limitation that I had been accepting as true. In rejecting the infinitude of (my) Being, I was rejecting not only my Allness, but my Wholeness and Completeness as well.
In constraining my self to a concept – limited to my physical body and immediately direct experiences – I was denying my Wholeness.
Anything and everything of which I am aware (my Allness) constitutes my Wholeness. Anything I live as “out there,” separate and apart from my Self, is a denial of my Wholeness.
Acknowledging and living my Wholeness fully and completely requires that I let go of any and all sense of separation from anything. When I am consciously living my Wholeness, I cannot reject or “other” anything.
When I recognize and acknowledge Wholeness as All of Me – everything I experience through my physical senses and beyond my senses, everything I am consciously aware of – I am fully embracing and living my divinity.
In my hospital experience, Mind Self-revealing Its all-constituting Wholeness was the only Reality I was experiencing in the only way I could see it given the beliefs, concepts, and opinions that constrained my view.
My Allness is my Wholeness, and my Wholeness is inclusive of Health, which identifies Itself infinitely. It cannot be limited to my concepts about It.
In this experience of dis-ease, (my) Health was simply awaiting my conscious acknowledgement of It as the fact of my being, without resistance to how I experienced It.
This was how (my) Health had to show up in my experience for me to acknowledge Its (my) infinitude, for me to recognize that It was so much more than I had conceptualized It to be. Sumaiya plus everything in the world that she walks through constitutes my Wholeness.
I Really Am All In The World I Walk Through
I am All. A knowledge of aught beside Myself is impossible.
~Mary Baker Eddy
I’ve always loved that quote; the words sound nice and are comforting. I thought I understood it. It turns out that was an intellectual understanding. Through this hospitalization experience, I now have a deeper, Soul-level understanding of its full meaning than I previously did.
To be clear, this quote has nothing to do with the limited, personal sense of self. This is divinity Self-acknowledging Its Allness and Only-ness as everything seen, heard, felt, and beyond. It is the recognition that if It were to acknowledge anything outside of Its Allness, It would cease to be All – Self-negation – an impossibility for Self-existent Being.
When I’m living my Self divinely – consciously Self-aware – I cannot “other” anything, because I recognize and acknowledge my Wholeness. Neither can I be a victim of anyone or anything “out there.”
I can only ever be a victim of my own sense of duality.
If I’m All, I’m All. I can lack for no thing because I am (have) every thing. If I am All, I can’t gain or lose anything as there is, self-evidently, nothing outside of All. The requirement, then, is to live this Self-consciously.
No aspect of my All can ever be absent if I am present. I consciously am All that I am aware of when I’m living my Self divinely.
Nothing can be missing, lost, or absent in All; Wholeness would not be whole if that were a possibility. My Allness constitutes my Wholeness. I am All and, therefore, Whole, so how could I possibly lack in any Good thing? That can only appear to happen when I’m mired in the limited thinking of my personal self-concept.
In acknowledging the full meaning of (my) Wholeness, the meaning of individual— undivided — becomes more clear. I cannot be separated from the realization of my Wholeness when I am consciously acknowledging my undivided, indivisible Allness that includes everything experienced as the world I walk through.
I seem to want because, in my Wholeness, I already have. If I’m living my divinity unselfconsciously, my havingness remains unacknowledged and, therefore, unrealized.
Allness =Wholeness = (my) Health, (my) Wealth, (my) Happiness. Nothing is missing when I am consciously living (my) All.
Expanding My Understanding of Wholeness and Spiritual Healing
As a direct result of this experience, my understanding of all that constitutes metaphysical healing shifted.
It could consist of a metaphysical treatment (aka affirmative prayer), and it could consist of surgery, pharmaceuticals, natural remedies, or some other medical intervention. All of the above, anything in between, or even something completely new or unexpected.
That is the nature of Infinity – Unchanging Change – continually unfolding, never repeating Itself, making all things new.
Eastern medicine, Western medicine, alternative medicine, prayer – all are grounded in the same underlying fact of Wholeness and are just a few ways the infinitude of (my) Wholeness can come into view. When consciously acknowledged from that perspective, none of these exist outside the Allness of Good.
While I intellectually understood that before, I don’t think I ever truly grokked it until now. I had to set aside my beliefs, concepts, opinions, attachments, and perceptions – everything I thought I knew – before understanding could reveal itself as my awareness.
Even the inflammation that had apparently plagued me was included as my Wholeness coming to view. According to my trusty dictionary, inflammation “serves as a mechanism initiating the elimination of noxious agents.” In my case, the noxious agents being eliminated were my limiting thoughts of Self/Health!
Living consciously Self-aware of my divinity is what heals – Wholeness making Itself known – by revealing the perfection that is the omnipresent nature of (my) Being. There are infinite ways in which that could show up as my experience.
For example, if I feel a cold coming on, I could approach that by resisting the appearance of the onset of a cold. Or I could leave the appearance alone and be permissive – “if I appear to have a cold, so be it, and if not, not.” I could take action based on fear and resistance to having a cold, or I could take instinctive action based on inspiration and intuition. Neither appearance diminishes or augments my Wholeness, it’s just an indicator of how I’m living that Wholeness.
Setting aside judgment and opinion about either allows me to shift from personal sense to acknowledging (my) Being. How I experience it becomes irrelevant when I am living consciously Self-aware. Any steps for me to take related to the appearance of a cold then become instinctively clear, not because I’m trying to fix anything but because that is how the infinitude of Health is Self-revealing.
Life Cannot Oppose Itself
I started exploring this insight after my flare started and before my hospitalization, and its unfoldment continued while I was in the hospital.
There is no bacteria, virus, or other so-called pathogen that isn’t pro-biotic, or pro-Life, because self-existent Life cannot oppose or destroy Itself – It must be harmonious. For example, a virus contains a protein coat surrounding a core containing RNA or DNA genetic material. At our current understanding of Life, RNA/DNA are building blocks of human life, Life giving evidence of Itself in a way that we can understand.
Therefore, these microorganisms must reflect Life and cannot harm or destroy Life. It’s only when I’ve conceptualized life to my personal beliefs and opinions about it that the appearance shows up as destructive. When something is consciously acknowledged as divine idea, it must be useful, harmless, and recognizably beneficial.
If I’m living my so-called pathogens unconsciously (i.e., in a duality-oriented framework), I will most likely live whatever benefit they bring as problems – expanding in the negative and experiencing suffering as an indicator that I’m living them dually.
Again, this is all something I previously understood intellectually. It now registers at a much deeper level.
Yet there was still a (personal sense) part of me that wanted to be right about my theory of a microbial cause of so-called auto-immune conditions. And then a realization.
From a metaphysical perspective, I recognized that would keep me stuck in the paradox of Infinity while mired in my personal concept of a limited life. And almost immediately I realized that the only thing an “auto-immune” condition could possibly be was (my) Wholeness “attacking” any false sense that it’s not Whole, anything that would seem to limit Its Allness.
Acknowledging (my) Wholeness as (my) Allness leaves no attacker and nothing to be attacked, since Self-existent Life cannot destroy Itself.
As for the notion of chronic infection, the only thing ever happening is a chronic case of Mind/Life, awaiting my conscious acknowledgment of it.
Western Medicine Does Not Exist Outside of the Allness of Good
While this might seem obvious to many, I had to revisit my long-held, deep-seated resistance to Western medicine, pharmaceuticals, the picture of how illness was showing up in my experience, and the discomfort of the symptoms, among other things. It required expanding my definition of Wholeness along with revisiting my concept of self.
In my hospitalization experience, Health was revealing Its infinitude as doctors and nurses, pharmaceuticals, vitamins, homeopathics, and more. Even the surgical option that was on the table was Health Self-revealing.
I realize now that given my resistance to Western medicine and beliefs that their singular focus on treating symptoms overrode attention to finding long term cures, the GI docs had to show up in my experience the way that they did in order to snap me out of my duality-induced insistence on living myself as less than the full Truth of (my) Being.
While it did not seem that way in the moment, they were 100% supporting the unfoldment of Good as my experience. It had to be docs with limited bedside manner pushing for a radical “solution” to snap me out of my stupor of unconscious identity. I grew them that way!
Because of my long-standing beliefs and opinions, in the moment with the GI doc who spoke of “jumping through hoops” I perhaps heard something that wasn’t intended, namely that because of everything they were doing I should go ahead with a surgery that I didn’t want. That perception became the reality I experienced.
Prior to this experience, I would have described the shift I experienced in my physical body as Health being recognized/acknowledged and coming into clearer view, while my GI doc would argue that it was the pharmaceuticals that brought about my “recovery.” I would now say it’s all the same thing. One Reality, (my) Being, revealing Itself as the highest human concept, in a way that I could recognize as Perfection presencing.
I had long made an artificial distinction in my mind between so-called natural remedies and pharmaceuticals, making one “good” and the other “bad,” thus living them dually. I had closed the door to my Wholeness by favoring one and disfavoring the other, which really just means that I placed it outside of the Allness of Good.
In the past when I was taking various pharmaceuticals, I had resisted all of the so-called side effects of medications the doctors had me on, placing the doctors, the medications, and my body with the reactions it was having outside of Mind.
When properly understood, all are avenues for Health to come into view. When lived dually, I become subject to the whims and caprices of that duality-based thinking and expanding in the negative.
As I become crystal clear that pharmaceuticals are Mind Action (Omniaction) vs a “man-made” (distinct from Mind-made) drug that’s separate and apart from my Wholeness, resistance to the drugs that were in front of me to take faded. Each of these pharmaceuticals reflects a divine idea that must be lived divinely.
Concern over so-called side effects diminished as I acknowledged and understood that there are no side effects to the Allness of Mind, though I’ll admit this is a continual practice for me as the picture continues to shift and evolve. Acknowledging my Health – however that shows up – as the action and activity of Principle and only that, keeps me consciously acknowledging my Oneness with all that is.
Regardless of what something appears to be or the name/label I give it, it is Mind giving evidence of Itself. My Wholeness, in this moment, includes multiple pharmaceuticals and, when I’m living consciously Self-aware, the only place those exist is in/as (my) Mind.
When I’m living myself divinely and acknowledging the full depth of my Wholeness, I live the understanding that there cannot possibly be any side effects to Mind in my experience.
These drugs cannot exist as anything apart from Mind, and Mind cannot be separated from Itself/Its Allness. Given the nature of Infinity, I may or may not “need” them in the day-to-day living of my Wholeness over time. And regardless of the picture of how it looks, Wholeness is the fact of (my) Being.
During my first follow-up appointment with the GI team after getting out of the hospital, they strongly recommended I get 5 (!) different vaccines because of the immune suppressive effect of one of the meds I am currently taking. I immediately felt the wall of resistance that came up at that idea. I didn’t make any commitments, knowing that as I explored the idea my next steps would become clear.
Later that day I was inspired to look up a few words in my trusty dictionary, a practice I have found helpful in my metaphysical work. I started with “vaccine,” which led me to look up “immune.” I struck metaphysical gold!
The first definition listed was free or exempt (as in “immune from further taxation” in the associated explanatory sentence provided). Digging deeper into the origin, I saw that the root came from the Latin meaning in service. It was the perfect reminder that nothing is outside of the Allness of Good, that the entirety of my experience is in service to the unfolding of that Good.
Bam! Resistance to vaccines gone! When I intuited my next steps with the 5 vaccines that had been recommended, I discerned to proceed with one of the five, so that is the current plan. What’s fascinating is that when I was ready to get the vaccine, I called the pharmacy to see if I needed to make an appointment. I was told that “the manufacturer didn’t make enough of the vaccine,” so there’s a waiting list (which I was already on). So while I was ready to proceed with that vaccine, apparently it wasn’t ready to proceed with me!
It’s important to understand that it’s not always necessary to do everything that shows up, especially if you instinctively sense not to do something. What is important is to look at any resistance to whatever is showing up. Resistance just means there’s a duality-based view underlying your reaction that is coming up for exploration.
The other realization that became crystal clear is that immune system lived as a divine idea cannot be suppressed or compromised. Nor can it be “overactive” for that matter (which is how Western medicine ascribes cause to so-called auto-immune conditions).
Body Is Soul Made Visible
Body is incorruptible Soul made visible. I realize now that I had unconsciously been thinking of them as two separate things. Soul cannot be damaged or limited in any way, and the only thing that can appear to hide that fact is my unconsciousness of it. Soul would remain unexpressed and, therefore, unknown, without body to give evidence to it.
The only place my experience of infection, inflammation, bleeding, etc., is occurring is in my awareness/mind when it is unconscious of the Reality of (my) Being. While I had an intellectual understanding of this previously, it now feels like a deep-seated Soul knowing.
Everything that unfolded as new insights and understanding coming into my conscious awareness was evidence of Omniaction rather than a personal sense of me doing something or others “out there” providing me with something I was missing.
It Really Is All About Allowing
Moment by moment, Infinity forms a new view of Itself. It definitely does not need Sumaiya’s help in unfolding Its perfection! I always knew this was what I was “supposed to do,” and I’ve never experienced quite so rapid a shift in the picture as I did here.
Being open to seeing beyond what you’re observing allows you to experience Reality beyond your current picture.
Allowing is really the conscious recognition that there is never anything going on outside of the Allness of Good, so there’s nothing to resist. It’s being 100% permissive to however Infinity shows up moment by moment, without fear or judgment, because there are never two things going on.
In the case of spiritual healing, this means allowing ever present Wholeness to unfold however It shows up without resistance.
It was the conscious acknowledgment of Good in all ways, without resistance, that opened my awareness to the flood of new insights and a deeper, Soul-level understanding
To be clear, allowing/permissiveness does not equal resignation to appearances. It is the active acknowledgement that only Good is, regardless of how you’re seeing or perceiving it that paves the way for understanding. It’s allowing insights to unfold from your own divine withinness, not through “figuring it out” by creating lists, options, analysis, etc.
While I had done metaphysical work during and after previous hospitalizations, I had never truly been fully and completely permissive of the picture. Sure I was permissive of some aspects, but never the entirety. As that realization now hits, I recognize even more just how important allowing is to the unfoldment of understanding.
This time, as what are humanly called issues cropped up, I continually acknowledged them as Mind presencing. I was unattached to any outcome, knowing Good as the only Reality of the appearance. And invariably, the picture shifted — because I wasn’t clinging to any aspect of it.
When We’re Permissive, Perfection Must Show Up in a Way We Can Recognize
At my current belief level, I believe that well-balanced nutrition supports the body. So of course Perfection showed up as the hospital nutritionist recommending nutrient-dense shakes. I didn’t have to “change my belief,” I simply needed to let go of any personal sense attachments to what the outcome needed to look like to allow a Perfection to unfold.
Later on, even one of my dad’s cousin’s got into the act! He called to check in on me several days after I came home from the hospital. We didn’t chat for long, and one thing he wanted to make sure I heard was to “eat 3 dates per day.” Now I love dates, and ate them pretty regularly before this last flare started. I wasn’t quite ready to add them into my diet just then, and about a week later as I was deciding what new food to incorporate, I remembered what he said. Intuitively it felt right, so I ate three yummy dates. Later, I had an impulse to look up the nutritional profile and found that the micronutrients were exactly what I needed to help address the anemia and low iron stores I was still navigating!
Everything Can Be Lived and Experienced Dually
When lived as divine ideas, no organ, no body can be impaired. Idea gives infinite expression to its Allness. And when I’m stuck in a paradox view, everything is lived and experienced dually.
While I don’t always acknowledge many (okay, most!) of the beliefs of Western medicine, I realized that I had unconsciously accepted the notion of muscular atrophy from laying in a hospital bed for almost a month. So, of course, my first few days home from the hospital supported that, with seeming evidence of difficulty climbing stairs and even lifting very lightweight items. That’s when the realization struck that I had accepted that a divine idea (in this case, muscles) could atrophy.
As I consciously acknowledged the spiritual facts, I began to notice a shift. While I still appear to be rebuilding my strength, I am doing so with the conscious acknowledgment of the divine idea of muscles and strength. As for those days when my energy and muscle fatigue appeared to be diminished, I didn’t worry about it or fall into fear. I was crystal clear that this was how I was seeing Perfection in the moment. Perfection had not changed.
I’m not going to lie. This surprised me when it came up, and made total sense as I explored it further. From the human sense of things, water is required for life. We can go for weeks without food, but without water survival is limited to days. Yet water can cause discomfort if my intestines are too inflamed to extract that water during the digestive process, resulting in diarrhea. Plain water is difficult to keep down when I’m nauseous.
When I acknowledge that water is Life giving evidence of Itself as the (current) highest human concept of what’s required to “sustain” life, I’m no longer living it dually. Same water with a very different experience in how I live it. I apparently needed to get clear on the distinction because I’d even been living water dually, or as something “out there,” separate and apart from me.
If I was unconsciously living water conceptually, dually, then what else had I been living that way?
I recently explored this same insight with the idea of sleep, something that has appeared to be limited in supply “due to” the steroids I’m currently taking. When I limit Sleep to my concept of it, Reality will come into clearer view to disabuse me of that sense of limitation. So while I initially was able to get what I felt was sufficient sleep (even though I was usually awake for most of the night) after coming home from the hospital, I had multiple successive days where I was sleeping 2-3 hours a day tops. I was cranky and tired. And despite my crankiness, I was clear that this wakeful state was never outside of the Allness of Good.
As I opened my awareness to the divine Reality of sleep, it became apparent that the infinite idea of Sleep can come into view in a variety of ways. What we normally call sleep, and also insomnia, sleep deprivation, REM sleep, non-REM sleep, sleep walking, sleep apnea, so-called sleep paralysis, even snoring are all examples of how the infinite idea of sleep may come into view. Kind of like Bubba’s mama’s shrimp recipes in Forest Gump – one idea, infinitely expressed.
(My) Sleep (as a divine idea) doesn’t care which aspect of Its infinitude is expressed. It continues to make Itself known, regardless of how I experience It. I am the one who makes that “decision,” either by consciously living the divine idea (i.e., in the acknowledgement that regardless of the picture, there’s only One thing going on) or unconsciously, subject to the whims of the paradox of infinity. One or the other will dictate and define my experience of Sleep.
The divine idea of Sleep did not change; my experience of It did. And while there are still occasional days where I don’t feel like I have had enough sleep and might feel a bit cranky, I don’t really have an opinion about it when that happens. That’s just how the infinitude of (my) Being is giving evidence of Itself in that moment, so how can it exist outside of Perfection? That lack of resistance allows Infinity to do what Infinity does — continually reveal Its Allness.
Sleep operates as my consciousness/my awareness, not outside of me as something that can be impaired, interrupted, or interfered with by “something else” like medication, which also is Mind making itself visible.
As I opened up my awareness to this, the resistance I had felt to not sleeping dissipated. And, of course, I found it easier to doze off and sleep for a bit longer than I had the previous few nights. While I still woke up in the middle of the night, I felt more refreshed than I had in days.
Two days later I slept for a total of over 6 hours (still broken up, albeit in longer chunks of unbroken sleep than before)! It was the deepest sleep I’d had since I was doped up in the hospital, and the most restorative feeling. As I became increasingly clear that prednisone wasn’t causative in my experience of sleep, the amount of sleep I’ve been getting each day has steadily increased.
Despite sleep in fits and starts, an hour here, two hours there, still adding up to well below 8 hours, the tired, cranky feelings are gone and I generally feel rested each morning.
Divine Ideas Don’t Know (Or Care!) How We Experience Them
There is a continual unfolding of divine ideas and my understanding thereof. The divine idea of Sleep continued to marinate as my conscious awareness over the next few weeks. One night the insight emerged that the spiritual fact of Sleep remains untouched by anything I may believe is going on. The divine idea of Sleep knows nothing about my perceived lack of sleep and being wide awake in the middle of the night.
Sleep as a divine idea existing independent of how I experience it (whether as wakefulness, deep sleep, or anything in between) was something I had not previously considered. After that insight came into my awareness, I had the deepest sleep I’d experienced in several days.
On a related side note, the majority of this post was written in the wee hours of the night when I was unable to sleep. The Allness of Good strikes again! Even the “prednisone-induced” insomnia in the middle of the night provided me with the quiet space and clarity to consciously be and acknowledge the divine reflection that I am, seemingly allowing the flood of new insights and understanding as my awareness.
While my sleep schedule is currently not, shall we say, traditional, I’m not encumbered by the way in which Perfection is showing up, and this blog post continues unfolding. Sometimes when I am asleep, it’s as though new insights and understanding are waking me up so that I can tap them into my phone!
Understanding, Not Blind Faith
Spiritual healing is not airy fairy, abstract theory, but a concrete exploration of Truth. When Seeing is understood to be insights and understanding – Mind’s vision of Itself – how any experience is sensed is Soul (the Sensing of Mind) in action. Without conscious awareness of the Reality behind the words, can you really have knowledge of it?
Faith without works is dead (James 2:17). Blind faith (i.e., without understanding) is useless. Understanding yields conviction in thought and action, and is sourced from the wellspring of your own divine withinness. Piggybacking off of the conviction of others will not carry you far over time if not supplanted by your own firm knowing.
As with my experience in the hospital, that firm knowing unfolded spontaneously as I opened my awareness and became receptive to it. That opening (works) allowed me to shift from intellectual understanding (faith) to grokking, with additional instinctive action following as inspiration arose. The first step of “works,” is allowing Understanding to take hold of me, so to speak, to be the understanding and not an understander, allowing works to be active.
Living Beyond the Picture – Making This Practical
What you experience as the world you walk through is simply evidence for the way in which you’re living your Self. Spiritual healing is not faith healing, nor is it based on blind belief.
To experience greater expansiveness versus contraction in your experience of Life, it is essential that you regularly explore where and how duality, and thus a sense of limitation, is shaping your point of view. Moving beyond this self-imposed limited thinking allows you to step into possibility in your experience.
Sickness (or any other so-called problem) is simply a reminder, that’s all. No need to judge it or make up any other reason to explain it. You’re not being punished, you’re not dealing with so-called past life stuff (years ago this is how I conceptualized it). It’s simply the Duality Alert System reminding you that Omnipresence is omnipresencing, but hasn’t been consciously accounted for.
Health is the fact of (your) Being — regardless of whether you’re seeing It as sickness or wellness. It requires equanimity as you move through your day-to-day, permissiveness of whatever appears to be in your experience, and conscious acknowledgement that only Good is regardless of the appearance.
As Jesus explained when asked about the man who was blind from birth, “neither hath this man sinned, nor his parents: but that the works of God should be made manifest in him.” (John 9:3) The only thing there is to any so-called problems is the Allness of Good – the works of God/Mind/Spirit – coming into clearer view. As you recognize, acknowledge, and live that permissively, without resistance, you are consciously living your divinity. That is spiritual healing.
Please don’t take my word for any of this – take these ideas out for a spin. As you do, understanding will unfold from your own divine withinness as you explore the infinitude of (your) Being. This exploration, and the associated insights that arise in your awareness, will shift you out of any intellectual-only understanding to grokking.
What Stories Are You Telling Yourself?
Making this practical requires examining and exploring the stories you tell yourself, your likes and dislikes, your attachments and preferences, and the beliefs, concepts, opinions, and assumptions you’ve formed about what is good vs bad, especially the ones you seem particularly attached or resistant to in some way. In them is the foundation for what you’re experiencing in your life.
Where are you accepting duality that would correspond to how you are experiencing Life?
It’s not about exchanging one belief for another — finding a “better belief” to replace the one that’s not working for you. It’s about creating space, by acknowledging the fullness of your Being, for new insights and understanding to unfold as your awareness. That new understanding or inspiration for action is unavailable to you so long as you try to limit, via resistance or trying to outline, the outcome because you are, in effect, limiting your experience of Infinity.
Infinity, your Infinite divine nature, won’t allow you to limit yourself in that way for long before a wake-up call of some kind tries to nudge you out of your stupor and open your conscious awareness to the fact of your divinity, to help you lose your life (i.e., your personal, limited sense of self) to save it (a greater awareness of the Truth of your Being).
This practice requires discipline to live beyond any personal sense of self and acknowledge the Reality of Being. The biggest challenge for me is always catching myself when the Sumaiya personality starts gearing up to be in charge, wanting to control the picture and outline the outcome. The opinions and reactions are often so knee jerk that I don’t even realize what I’m doing until I’ve been spinning for a bit. Then it’s time to reel myself back in. Some days I have to do this so often that I start to feel like a fisherman!
I don’t need to know what something is or why it is. The fact that it is is confirmation that (my) Infinity is giving it identity. I don’t have to know anything else. And I don’t have to “fix” anything other than my own seeing, my perception of Reality presencing. I do that by being permissive of the picture.
In my so-called problems, the only thing I’m ever experiencing is the operation of Principle, the foundation of (my) Being, and Truth Self-revealing Its infinitude.
Love supplies the human need. But at the personal, conceptual level, the human need isn’t always what we think it is. And the way in which Love supplies doesn’t always conform to what we think it should look like. That doesn’t make it a problem, however, only an opportunity for greater conscious understanding. When I think of my “problems” as problems, I’m back to living them dually.
No Need to Fix or Change
Much of my life may be lived with a part of myself sitting in judgment, as it were, upon the rest of myself, whimsically pronouncing one phase of my life “good” and another part “bad,” one phase “important” and another part “trivial.” The truth is that every element of it is wonderful, indispensable, and essentially my own vitality. ~John M. Dorsey, M.D. and Walter H. Seegers
There is nothing that is not Mind giving evidence of Its Allness. So there is no need to resist, fix, or change the personality; it, too, is Mind giving evidence of Itself. Just be aware when the mask of personality is giving rise to a duality-based view of the world you walk through, and acknowledge your divinity and the Allness of Good in/as whatever appears to be in front of you without resistance. Most of all, listen to the insights and inspiration – the intuitions of Reality – as they unfold in your awareness.
If I get angry, irritated, etc., I don’t need to judge my self, saying I could have done better. That keeps me stuck in the personal concept/personality sense of self. I am still Being being Itself being, regardless of how I’m showing up, whether consciously Self aware of that fact or not.
Perfection is always presencing. So quit making yourself wrong! As you continue to acknowledge the divinity of your Being, without resisting how any of it shows up, you open the door to experiencing your Self and the world you walk through differently.
Neither is there a need to resist, fix, or change the picture, no matter how it looks. Even after exploring the rapid shifts since my Christmas Eve/Christmas morning epiphanies, I’ve noticed that whenever something appeared in my experience that seemed contrary to my definition of progress towards how I had previously been outlining healing, I had to fight the urge to label it “bad” and slide back into duality. Again, this is a discipline, a practice. Any resistance is merely an opportunity to explore where I’m living duality as my experience.
Additional aspects of my Allness that I continue to live dually are coming up regularly for me to look at. A perfect example was my knee-jerk reaction to the thought of vaccines that I describe above. It requires vigilant attention to anything I am tempted to place outside of the Allness of Good. It gets easier with practice.
Some Hints That You’re Not Being Permissive
Only you will know whether you’re truly being permissive of an experience. And if you’re not consciously aware of or acknowledging resistance you may be feeling, any that exists will make itself known (as it did in my case with my hospitalization experience). Feigning permissiveness while still holding onto a fixed point of view outlining a solution just keeps you stuck.
A good way to know if you’re living your divinity unconsciously is if you’re experiencing fear, doubt, or worry about anything. Those feelings are typically associated with wanting the picture to look different than it does, a clear sign that you’re not being permissive. The impulse to “fix” or change any situation or appearance is a clue that you’re not living yourself or the appearance divinely, that you’ve put something outside of All. Any ”in order to’s” simply mean you’re resisting the picture. Recognizing that becomes an opportunity for further exploration.
If you feel sad or angry, don’t resist the feeling. If you feel joy, don’t become complacent. All of these feelings and more are Soul expressing, nothing more and nothing less. As you remain unattached to the so-called positive feelings and non-resistant to the so-called negative ones, you open your awareness to new possibilities.
There’s nothing going on outside of Consciousness, it’s not about trying to “get” understanding as if it were something outside of you. It’s really allowing understanding to unfold as your conscious awareness. Insight come when you stop trying to figure things out in the traditional sense of looking at options, weighing pros and cons, and making decisions. Instead, simply allow new thinking to emerge as inspiration and insight, and take action based on whatever comes up to do.
When I recognize and live from the fact that I am an incorruptible divine idea, I start living as the possibility of Infinity. As those possibilities come into view, my experience of Life shifts.
If anyone “out there” is involved in the picture, I simply acknowledge their divinity as well, leaving them alone to unfold however they unfold it. Again, nothing to fix. That is “loving thy neighbor as thyself” (Mark 12:31) — living them divinely, acknowledging their Wholeness, regardless of the appearance. Granted – because of our beliefs, concepts, opinions, and attachments – with some folks this is easier than others. That, again, is the practice!
Problems Aren’t Bad!
Some metaphysical theorists, while saying that God is all there is, look down their noses at so-called problems, thinking that if you were really “living Truth” you would not be experiencing problems. While that could never be true – Truth creates problems so solutions can be consciously identified – the error with that framework is that it keeps problems and solutions at the personal level, without any acknowledgement that it is our own divine withinness that is sourcing the problems to move us beyond our limited sense of self.
Further, it’s clear that in placing problems in the negative, this point of view perpetuates living in the paradox with its attendant limited, dualistic sense of self. When carried to its logical end, in this view, God clearly is not All despite any protestations to the opposite.
The Truth that flows from your experience of Life, whether seen as problem or solution, is the Truth that heals as It reveals Its Allness. This “shows up” in your experience as new insights and greater understanding. Otherwise it all just remains theoretical, unexpressed, and therefore, unknown. Problems and their solutions are thus the gifts of (your) Infinity, even when it feels like they aren’t.
Definitely Don’t Ignore
As I mentioned previously, “what you ignore dominates you,” so don’t ignore anything that comes up, even if it seems minor. Don’t wallow in it, either. Whatever it is, (your) Love has brought it to your attention for exploration.
Explore it from a metaphysical perspective. Acknowledge the Allness of Good as the totality of the experience. Navigate any limited thinking in the form of beliefs, concepts, opinions, and assumptions you’ve taken on either consciously or unconsciously. See what new insights and understanding emerge as your awareness.
Some Questions for Exploration
If you are navigating a health challenge, or any other any other challenge for that matter, asking yourself the questions below may help you uncover new insights into why you might be experiencing Life that way:
- What stories am I telling myself that could be contributing to the way I’m experiencing Life?
- Where might I be limiting my thinking and, therefore, the unfoldment of Infinity as my experience?
- Who or what have I made causative in my experience that’s separate and apart from the Allness of Good (i.e., where do I believe there’s more than One thing going on)?
- Who am I Being? The limited, personality self or Being, being Itself being? From personal experience, I recognize that this can be a really annoying question when I’m not living/acknowledging my Self!
- Who do I believe I am that Health (or anything else) could appear to be absent? Why would I grow it this way?
- What’s the value in this experience?
These questions are not intended to help you rationalize answers at the personality level. Simply be with them and allow the answers to unfold as your awareness. That might happen immediately and it might take some time. In the Infinity of (your) Good, there’s no wrong timeline!
Pay Attention to Any Resistance
If you want the picture to look different, you’re resisting it and not acknowledging it as an experience of the Allness of Good.
If you find yourself resisting someone or something, stop and ask yourself why? What’s behind the resistance? What, exactly, are you resisting? What would happen if you released the resistance? Your answers should point you in the right direction of further exploration of where you might, consciously or not, have a duality-induced perspective of Reality.
When I caught myself resisting something, a shortcut I used to help snap me out of the dual view and bring me back to the Reality of things was “…isn’t it interesting that I would view / perceive Health this way.” I found it to be a useful tool that allowed me to explore my reaction and underlying beliefs, concepts, and opinions, without getting into judgment (another form of resistance).
Wanting to change the picture in any way by forcing action of some kind also means I am resisting it.
The only thing that’s ever required when you are experiencing anything troublesome is a willingness to let go of your interpretation about it. This paves the way for Truth to be make Itself known. It is the illimitable thinking that is (my/your) Mind that is the Truth that sets us free.
Freedom is the illimitable thinking that is Mind, Being being Itself being. Uninhibited, unobstructed, unobstructable. The one thing that can never be limited in your experience (unless you allow it to be) is your thinking, the very thinking of Mind.
The only thing really required of you is a willingness to let go of your beliefs, concepts, opinions, and attachments (BCOAs) that give rise to any sense of duality in your experience. This is the heart of permissiveness. It’s an opportunity to explore what else might be possible, to set your imagination (the unfettered, creativity of infinite Mind) free from the constraints of your BCOAs
Acknowledgement without resistance is key; resistance just makes the acknowledgement a platitude.
As you acknowledge the Allness of Good, without resisting the current picture, the unfoldment of (your) Infinity as your experience of Life makes all things new, revealing new insights, understanding, and experiences. Your view of Life cannot remain the same.
Explore Your Beliefs…There’s No Need to “Fix” Them!
To be clear, this isn’t about judging your beliefs, concepts, opinions, and attachments, or trying to get rid of them. That just creates more resistance. It’s about recognizing that they, too, have their basis in Reality. They cannot exist independent of Consciousness. For example, my concepts of health couldn’t exist if Health were not the fact of (my) Being.
Beliefs, concepts opinions, and attachments are just a data point for how I’ve been living myself, nothing more. That’s the value they provide. So I don’t need to spend any time changing, improving, fixing, fearing, or hating beliefs and concepts; that would just deny their basis in Reality – still more resistance! I can just acknowledge them for what they are and be permissive of the unfoldment of Infinity, however that looks. As I stop clinging to them, they disappear having served their purpose.
What Are You Making Causative?
As I described with my understanding of Sleep, I had accepted prednisone as causative in my experience. So it was, because I was living it as outside of (my) Mind. Stuck in the paradox again!
I had made a lengthy stay in a hospital bed and prednisone causative in my experience because I had unconsciously consented to living them as outside of Mind – dually.
The Allness of Good is inclusive of prednisone and lengthy hospital stays, and the associated “effects” of both. It is simply my point of view of Good, the best way I can see It through the filters of my beliefs, concepts, opinions, attachments, and perceptions.
No Trade-Offs in Mind
Mind doesn’t make trade-offs between aspects of Its Allness. It cannot rob Peter to pay Paul for that would be denying Its Wholeness. I’ve come to recognize the unreality of so-called side effects when pharmaceuticals are lived as Mind action. There can be no side effects to (my) Mind because that would be a denial of (my) Wholeness. This is still a work-in-progress for me as I navigate (my) prednisone, especially as I explore my personal sense of beauty and (my) Beauty.
There’s Still More to Explore With (My) Prednisone
Another realization is that I’ve unconsciously continued to live aspects of prednisone dually by not specifically acknowledging and addressing them. What I’ve ignored has been dominating me. I’ve written before about how the first time I took prednisone I was ridiculously emotional much of the time — crying or getting angry at the drop of a hat. The next time I took it, I “did my metaphysical work” and that aspect of prednisone didn’t show up in my experience as I was no longer living it dually.
And the next time, constant ravenous hunger showed up as a side effect. I ultimately gained over 40 pounds during the course of taking prednisone that time around that I have been unable to lose since. Again, I did my work acknowledging that prednisone Itself was not causative in/as my experience specifically related to hunger, and I did not have the same experience of hunger either the last time I took it or this time around. Sure, I am occasionally hungry, and other times I’m not. When I’m hungry, I eat; I’m not making up a story about what’s causing it.
This time around, three prednisone “side effects” I hadn’t previously acknowledged specifically are sleep disturbances; the puffy, prednisone moon face that I am very self-conscious about; and the excess weight that I’ve been carrying around “due to” prednisone.
In my current experience of prednisone, I have acknowledged the divine idea of Sleep and am sleeping better than I ever have while taking the medication. And I’ve realized that I never addressed how I’m living (my) prednisone as negatively impacting my concept of beauty. What I’ve been ignoring has, indeed, been dominating me.
Exploring Concepts of Beauty
I have been living (my) prednisone as causative of the significant weight gain I experienced a couple of years ago, weight I haven’t been able to get rid of (how’s that for resistance!) since. It’s also currently showing up as chipmunk cheeks, which I’m resistant to every time I have to take it.
As I continue to explore where I’m stuck in a personal concept, I realize that my concept of beauty for me is the way I looked and felt when I felt my best. I wasn’t skinny by any stretch of the imagination, and I was comfortable with how I looked, able to fit into clothes that I liked. And my face definitely didn’t have the chipmunk-y puffiness associated with prednisone. This concept is clearly limiting my experience of Beauty. Beauty, as a divine idea, can never be absent except in my perception of it.
Apparently, the best way that I can see (my) Beauty at this time is as a puffy face and way more weight than I would personally prefer to carry around. And that’s the point. I’m stuck in my personal concept of beauty because I’m completely resistant to how Beauty is currently showing up as my experience. And I’ve got very definite opinions about it! That, and I’d unconsciously allowed prednisone to be causative in my experience of Beauty.
As I “go deeper” in my exploration of everything as a divine idea, I realize that it’s all useful, harmless and beneficial when understood and lived that way. So apparent weight gain and a puffy face “due to” prednisone must be useful, harmless, and beneficial.
This is still an intellectual knowing, and as I continue to acknowledge that the Allness of Good is inclusive of both prednisone and how I’m experiencing it, I have no doubt that additional insights will come to the fore of my awareness. Simply by becoming consciously aware of all of this, I’ve felt a bit of a shift as my resistance has decreased. And it’s still a work in progress as I write.
What has become clear is that Beauty cannot be diminished except as a point of view. A puffy face and “excess” weight are Life giving evidence of Itself through the filters of my beliefs, concepts, and opinions. Therefore, there’s nothing for me to get rid of, only something to acknowledge.
I will continue to explore (my) Beauty as a divine idea and stop limiting It to my concepts of beauty defined by my own, limited personal experiences.
What are you accepting as causative?
Let Understanding Guide Your Steps
As I stepped into living my experience of Health consciously Self-aware, I intuitively followed steps that came up to do. Continuing DripDrop post hospitalization, probiotic drinks, starting and then ramping up the nutrient-dense shakes recommended by the hospital nutritionist, etc. Never in an effort to fix anything, simply recognizing each step as an acknowledgement of my Wholeness and doing what came up to do. If I was concerned that there might be an unconscious, hidden motive to fix, I simply set the thought aside. I followed through if it came up again unbidden, so to speak. If not, I left it on the side.
Those intuitive hits and instinctive actions guiding my steps are Reality coming into view. It wasn’t simply a case of me trying to find something that would fix a “bad belief.”
You don’t need to know why something is showing up the way it is or what to do “about it,” you just need to know that nothing is occurring outside of (your) Mind, that the Allness of Good is Omnipresencing as this (whatever it is that’s appearing), and allow your next steps to unfold instinctively as your conscious awareness. The key is not to make it a formula or platitude, and allow, or be permissive of, how it is appearing without any desire to fix, change, or get rid of it.
I’ve written before that the solution exists before the problem, and that the problem exists solely to allow the solution to come into view. In this case, the solution seeking to come into view was the new insights and understanding that evolved as my conscious awareness. It wasn’t the evolving picture. The evolving picture was enabled by my awareness of these new insights and understanding.
In the Allness of Good, it’s impossible to make a wrong decision when you’re living yourself consciously Self-aware.
So-called human footsteps, as they are discerned through insights and understanding, and are instinctive rather than an “in order to,” are simply Mind giving evidence of Itself. Otherwise it’s just the personal concept trying to fix something perceived as “wrong” or “broken” “out there.” That’s not to say you don’t do the “in order to” to find relief. Just be aware that “in order to’s” are based on a sense of duality that will continue to surface until it is consciously addressed.
A Post-Hospitalization Example
As I mentioned previously, it was the unfoldment of getting one of my seemingly required medications on New Year’s Eve, through a process that I couldn’t have possibly envisioned on the personal level, which enabled my discharge that same day. I was given a 10-day supply and was told I would be able to pick up the balance of the month’s prescription after my discharge. This was separate from the process my GI doctor’s office was navigating to sort out everything with the insurance company so I would have an ongoing prescription.
Because of complexities with the process, I was only able to pick up a 10 day supply of pills at a time. At the 10-day mark, no issues – next set of pills were in-hand to get me to the 20-day mark. I called in for the refill a few days in advance and anticipated that my husband would be able to pick that up the same way over the weekend. Ooops, no. The specialty pharmacy was closed on weekends. No problem, I had a sufficient supply to get me through Sunday night, so he could go first thing Monday morning to pick up the balance for the month.
He called me a short while later saying the pharmacy was charging a very high price for the pills, which we had not expected since we were getting them via a special program the pharmaceutical company offered for the first month on this medication. Since that cost wouldn’t have been covered by insurance, nor would it have applied to the deductible, I told him not to get it even though I was out of pills.
Not Getting Stuck in the Picture
After about 10-15 minutes of spinning about the picture, I acknowledged who I Am. If taking this medication was Good coming to view the best way that I could see it, then no thing could separate me from it. I had no doubt that everything would work out perfectly and, in fact, I was curious as to what that “working out” would look like as I really didn’t have any attachment to any of the possible outcomes that came to mind and was open to something new that might appear as well.
So I sent an email to my doctor’s office (which was closed that day for the MLK holiday) letting them know what happened and requested an update on where things were with getting insurance company approval for the meds. I also offered up a few options that came to mind as I was writing the email in the event that the insurance process was going to take much longer, none of which I was attached to in any way.
A Comedy of Errors
The next day as I and (my) “others” who were helping me with the process spent several hours navigating between the doctor’s office, insurance company, and another pharmacy, I was fascinated by how it was all unfolding.
It appeared to be a comedy of errors! The ease of my New Year’s Eve experience in getting the meds seemed to have been supplanted by bureaucracy. I had apparently even gotten in on the action due to a misread email from the week before. And throughout, instead of being irritated, annoyed, or angry (a sure sign I’m stuck in the paradox view, expanding in the so-called negative), I found myself amused by all of it.
I acknowledged that whatever seems to be is (my) Being in action. And, of course, by the end of the day, it was all sorted out perfectly. I was told by the pharmacy that I would have my prescription in-hand in two business days. Even though that meant I would continue to be without that medication for a few more days, I was incredibly clear that that medication is not the source and condition of (my) Health. Health is presencing regardless of the appearance (or seeming non-appearance) of medication or other treatment option.
Good is the only happening, whether seen as medication or no medication. There’s no such thing as the Omnipresence of imperfection. And Omnipresence has to give evidence of Itself in a way that I can understand.
So, obviously, a box containing a full month’s supply of the medication was delivered to my door by early afternoon the next day. The so-called problem appeared in my experience so that the works of God/Good could come into clearer view. I giggled in conscious recognition of this unfolding Perfection as my experience.
A Word About Spiritual Tools and Techniques
When I first started exploring metaphysics over 25 years ago, I wanted a formula for my life, to make it better, to solve my problems. I wanted to know that if I did X, I could get Y result. My left brain, analytical self liked it that way! And, for a time, that’s what showed up. I used various tools and techniques that seemed to work every time.
Over time, I’ve come to realize that a spiritual technique (e.g., prayer, affirmations, meditation) is simply a tool. It does not provide insight or understanding in and of itself. That said, a technique may support you in discerning Reality since its Principle is Truth. But if you mistake the technique as required for understanding, you get stuck when (your) Truth evolves a new identity for Its expression.
If techniques become cold, stale, and flat (i.e., formulaic), they don’t work. And if you’re not really permissive of the picture and want things to look how you want them to look, you’re generally just wasting your time with them.
When the insight that all I could ever have was a chronic case of Mind popped into my head a couple of years ago it made me giggle. For a while, that insight became a helpful affirmation of sorts. I used it to help snap me out of a sense of duality about my Health. And then it became stale and rote. The insight had become a habitual technique that was no longer value. It had become a vain repetition (Matthew 6:7).
The use of affirmations, metaphysical treatment/ affirmative prayer, and other techniques as formulas to get something you believe you’re missing will eventually doom you to failure for two reasons. They seem to work initially as they are the evolution of Truth as your unfolding awareness. And if you start limiting Truth to these techniques rather than exploring what else Truth is unfolding as your awareness, you’re back to a limited, personal sense of self apparently hemmed in and stuck in cycles of good and bad by the world you walk through.
While the concepts called affirmations and treatment are Truth Self-revealing, limiting Truth to these concepts and being unwilling to see beyond them is what keeps us stuck. The power of Truth Self-revealing is never in your concepts of It.
Secondly, if you’re stuck believing you must “get” something that exists outside of (your) Being, you’re operating in a dualistic framework with the divinity of you – (your) Wholeness – unacknowledged.
If a technique is working for you, by all means, continue to use it. And if you find that various techniques no longer yield the same results, explore some of the ideas contained here. By the same token, don’t stick with a technique simply because it worked at one time. If it’s no longer of value, drop it. And if it’s still working, feel free to stick with it. Regardless, just remember that it’s only a technique — a tool — and not causative in and of itself. Ultimately, formulas and techniques limit Truth to a concept. And infinite Truth will not be limited.
Don’t just take my word for this. You can easily verify them through direct experience, and allow insights for your steps to unfold as inspiration. With any approach to spiritual healing, “by their fruits ye shall know them.” (Matthew 7:20)
We think we are healed when a disease disappears, though it is liable to reappear; but we are never thoroughly healed until the liability to be ill is removed. ~Mary Baker Eddy
This is my exploration of consciously living principles of spiritual healing. Unconsciously living your divinity is at the root of the so-called problems in your experience, and an intellectual understanding can only take you so far.
Insights gleaned from your own divine Beingness are Truth, Reality, coming into clearer view as your experience, and are truly expansive.
What’s become very clear is that I must acknowledge everything as the Allness of Good, without exception. Anything that appears to exist dually in the world that I walk through must be acknowledged as the infinite expression of (my) Being. Anything I leave “out there” will continue to dominate my experience. Any “liability to be ill” is simply my unacknowledged Allness/Wholeness.
The insights and understanding that instinctively flooded my awareness during my hospitalization and post-hospitalization experience are all supporting the Self-conscious living of my divinity. That, ultimately, is the foundation of spiritual healing. (My) Love provided the discomfort of this experience to move me to a greater sense of Self-awareness.
What is clear is that spiritual healing is not about directing mind (personal sense). Personal sense does not heal, it only offers a limited sense of health.
Spiritual healing doesn’t involve trying to change the picture. Doing so just creates resistance that holds the picture in place. Paradoxically, it is permissiveness of the picture that opens the floodgates of Infinity to “make all things new” (Revelation 21:5) because Infinity does not retrograde or It would cease to be Infinity.
Nor is spiritual healing the alleviation of symptoms or problems, though that is often the result.
Spiritual healing is the conscious acknowledgement of the divinity of humanity as every aspect of the living of Life, without exception. Conscious acknowledgement paves the way for new insights and understanding to come into your conscious awareness.
Your illimitable divinity does not know even the possibility or hint of limitation. Whenever you seem to experience constraints in any area of your life, it’s an opportunity to explore where and how limited thinking has you limiting Life. Your experience of limitation in any area of your life is really an invitation to explore it!
This is the only guaranteed healthcare for all, because if my concept of “guaranteed healthcare” limits how I’m willing to see it unfold, I’m back to limiting Infinity and stuck in the paradox view.
Wholeness means everything experienced, consciously or unconsciously, in the world that you walk through. No aspect of your All — from water and sleep to conflict and so-called natural disasters, and more — can be lived as separate from (your) Being without Infinity nudging you to reconsider that sense of separation. That nudge is for a conscious acknowledgement of your Wholeness, the Principle or foundation of spiritual healing.
Ultimately, spiritual healing is not about changing or fixing the picture; it is acknowledging and living your Wholeness permissively, as the knowing that whatever is perfectly is regardless of the appearance. It is shifting away from a limited sense of self and recognizing and living from the totality of (your) Being. As you do that, new insights and understanding emerge to guide your steps. Love supplies everything required for the picture to take care of itself.
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